If you were here with me…

Being sick would be nothing if you were here with me. You’d tuck me in and play with my hair until I’d fall sound asleep.

Having a cold would be nothing if you were here with me. You’d prepare a warm chicken soup for my tired soul.

Hurting would be nothing if you were here with me. You’d cover me in Vicks, in hugs and kisses.

Being mentally drained would be nothing if you were here with me. You’d dry every tear, catch my every fall and comfort me in your arms until a better day…

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I can almost feel you…

Today’s another day that I woke up with my heartache. But the sun, somehow, managed to make a way through a corner of my dark curtains…the sun rays rushed in warming my cold body… no, today’s not another day.

The waiting is ending , I can feel it.

You will soon be with me, you will soon be with me.

I can almost see your eyes gazing at mine. I can almost hear your soft voice asking the whys. I can almost feel you… I can almost reach… the waiting is ending.

And it wont matter the years we’ve been apart, we will start right where we left off. It wont matter the different paths we’ve crossed, I’ll pick up my heart and love you like I have been doing since day one.

The waiting is ending…

It’s so tiring.

It’s so tiring.

I get up with enough time to brush my teeth and head my way. It’s so tiring.

I drive to work through the back roads , 20 minutes to be exact. Its so tiring.

I get to work and the countdown begins. Patient after patient. Smile in between conversations. Triage, draw blood and record . Its so tiring.

I make it out of there alive as usual and I speed my way back to my lonely place. Gosh, why is it so tiring?

I would spend the rest of my day the same. Church , class or maybe even a ‘friends’ house. But not today.

Because faking Is so tiring.

So i tuck myself in after turning my nightlight on. Tonight I wont pretend no more , tonight I’ll cry it out. And in between tears I’ll wonder what am I doing wrong? Why ,oh why ,does change take time to appear at my door when I have called many times.

Tonight I wont pretend no more, tonight I’ll cry it out. And in between tears I’ll cry ‘Abba, Abba’ I am weak.

I am weak each time I confuse my wants with Your desire. I am weak each time an idea comes and I don’t acknowledge. I am weak each morning I go out the front door without entering Your presence. I am a weak human being and of this I am tired.

But You, oh Lord, will make a way. You will turn my sadness into something delightful. You will turn my tiredness into perseverance. Only You will turn my mourning into worship and my brokenness into whole.

So after a tiring day , I’ll close my eyes knowing… in Him I find rest.

Start today

Today is November 27, 2017. Three more days till December, one more month for 2018.

You could just wait. You’ve been procrastinating for several years now, just wait to January to start your diet. Just wait till January to start getting out of bed earlier, to work on your goals. Whats another month gonna do anyways? Just wait…

“The soul of the sluggard craves and gets nothing, while the soul of the diligent is richly supplied.”

Proverbs 13:4

I am beyond tired of craving and not obtaining anything. Tired of craving for a better life style, for a healthier me. Craving to continue my education, craving to read more, travel more , learn new hobbies, craving , craving , craving. Craving to… be a new me.

Why? Oh why is it so hard?

As a Christian, I am aware of the attacks of the enemy, but procrastination? Yea, I believe the enemy has fun with this one. I am sure there’s not much work to it…. its us who are at fault for not learning how to crucify our flesh and our bodily wants.

” I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do. And if I do what I do not want to do, I agree that the law is good. As it is, it is no longer I myself who do it, but it is sin living in me. For I know that good itself does not dwell in me, that is, in my sinful nature.[a] For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. For I do not do the good I want to do, but the evil I do not want to do—this I keep on doing. Now if I do what I do not want to do, it is no longer I who do it, but it is sin living in me that does it.”

Romans 7:15-20

But I am done. I have had it. I refuse to wait one more month. I refuse to wait till January is here to start ‘fresh’. I refuse to let my laziness win. I have had it.

I will set my alarm way earlier than needed. I will get myself moving , I will have daily meetings with my Father and I will overcome.

Staring tomorrow I’ll even look on Pinterest for monthly challenges…. meanwhile I’ll finish my McDonalds’ fries and just think about how long I’ve been waiting for a better ‘tomorrow’…